Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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