I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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