it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
