Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
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you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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