He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My dick has a subreddit
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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