Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
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Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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