Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
smell my finger.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
