i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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