you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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