The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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