it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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