Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize