you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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