I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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