Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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