It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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