no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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