is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize