What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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