Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize