WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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