Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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