ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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