Plan B is the new Plan A
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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