You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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