I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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