I cut my penus on the lid.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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