he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize