also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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