I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
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He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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