No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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