Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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