she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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