True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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