OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
