I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize