Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize