I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am mentally ready for anal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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