she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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