And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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