please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize