I should be sponsored by Trojan
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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