There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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