stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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