mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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