I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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