Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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