I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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