I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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