Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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