I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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