I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Less talking, more tequila
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize