My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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